The Pigeon Wars

(a short history - a first draft)

This is war, I gracefully announced to the pigeons! They brought it on themselves. So it’s only natural that they had themselves to blame.

It all started as they moved onto my turf — my balcony.  Two recurring pigeons seemed to enjoy snuggling to each other in plain view.  I decided to leave it alone. After all, I’ve been in quarantine for a month and I was desperate for company.  Beggars really can’t be choosers, right?

But soon enough the whole pigeon community has decided that my balcony was the new social hot spot. No cover charge. No bouncer in sight. No drink minimum.

This is where all my troubles began.

Each morning, I would be awakened around 5am by the sounds of pigeons singing with the elegance of a rhinoceros in heat.  To those unfamiliar with the sounds of rhinoceros’ in heat, consider yourself lucky.

Recently injured with a broken foot, I found myself with access to crutches, which I’d weaponize by using them to bang on the window to scare the pigeons off my turf. Sometimes it…