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How to Virtue Signal Without Even Trying
A cheat sheet
Welcome to Virtue Signalling 101. In today’s world, virtue signalling is an important skill. It’s how you signal to others that you, too, are a good person. It helps you gain more exposure. You get to publicly attach your name to a cause. And it keeps your tribe happy. Remember: Virtue Signalling alone can change the world.
Not everyone knows how to do this properly, so here is a cheat sheet:
1) Announce that anyone who self-identified as racist, homophobic, transphobic, or rich should immediately unfollow you.
2) Let everyone know that this is a “safe space,” as long as you agree with them.
3) Publicly disavow a company that has breached a moral code, but privately you can still shop there. It’s public appearance that counts.
4) Identify the hottest trending topics so that you too can display massive outrage.
5) Put an LGBTQ flag, BLM, needle emoji/vaxxed status, masked photo, or rose in your profile.
6) Add pronouns to your profile, particularly if you are just an old school binary she/her or he/him. Pro tip: Want to level up? Make up your own pronouns.
7) Wear a Che Guevara t-shirt
8) Focus exclusively on someone’s race, body, or LGBTQ status when talking about their work. Examples include: Lizzo’s body positivity rather than musical talent.
9) Complain about “white people” — while being one.
10) Apologize on behalf of entire groups of people. Eg. men, white people…
11) Make lengthy land acknowledgements. No need to give up the actual land, bother learning the history, or take any actions. Talking about it is enough.
12) Start every conversation with “as a privileged cis white person…”
13) Put a black square in your profile every Tuesday. It’s going to change the world.
14) If you’re lucky enough to be a male, make sure that you identify yourself as a “feminist” and complain about the unfairness of the wage gap.
15) Talk about how you recycle and drive an electric car while enjoying a ride in your private jet.
16) Wear a dress that says something like “tax the rich” while collecting a salary of at least $174k.
This should get you started on your journey towards successful virtue signalling. And, as promised, you don’t even really have to try. Don’t forget, it’s not what you do that matters, it’s how well you can show others how good you are that does.
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