Which facts matter?

I got to briefly speak with Christopher Voss today. For those unfamiliar, he’s a former FBI hostage negotiator, the CEO of The Black Swan Group, and best-selling author of "Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It.” Our conversation ended up veering towards the difficulty of changing someone’s mind, whether that’s even possible, and the role that facts play in that process. I shared my observation that sharing facts rarely helps someone change their mind. So he pointed out that my error is in sharing the kinds of facts that I think are relevant and important as opposed to those facts which the person I’m engaging with considers important.

This is something I used to pay a lot more attention to, but had forgotten the importance of over time. If the facts I’m sharing don’t feel important or relevant to the person I’m speaking with, they aren’t so likely to land.

Of course, figuring out which facts I should be sharing requires some skill and work. It means t…