Projection

Photo by Ryoji Iwata

In a world where social media has become an integral part of our lives, encountering someone in a social setting or online is no longer just about face-to-face interaction. Rather, it often involves relying on fragments of information to put together a profile of who we think the "other" is. Whether it's the pronouns in their bio, their political affiliations, references to religion, who they follow on twitter, or even their occupation, these shorthands have become a common way of understanding who we're dealing with. And yet, just as easily, they are capable of misleading us. In our minds, we write a story about the people we encounter. We complete the blanks. But what if we’re wrong?

Let’s take the example of pronouns in bio. Not too long ago, I had joked about it with one young woman and she confided in me that she felt forced to include them because of the academic program she was enrolled in. That’s just one example of an unexpected reason someone might include them. Another friend says she likes to use them because it provokes fun conversations. Neither of these examples—nor people— fit into the typical assumptions many people might make simply by seeing pronouns in their bios, yet they would likely dismiss or judge them.

When people read my bio and see the publications I’ve written for, they also like to make assumptions. Too often it’s something along the lines of my being the ‘enemy of the people.’ If you’re reading this, I hope you know that is rather far from reality.

The truth is that people are complex. Their beliefs and values are nuanced and multifaceted, and not necessarily even all that consistent. I’ve even recently encountered a staunch BLM organizer who also happens to have just about every Republican talking point posted on his Twitter timeline. I’m still trying to reconcile that one!

By projecting who we THINK other people might be, we forget to actually pay attention to who they are. We reduce them to ideas of a group, or sets of characteristics. We dehumanize them and miss out on actually getting to know them.

I understand that it is a tool. A way to quickly get to the heart of things. Or, as often has become the case, a way of protecting ourselves. Encounter enough of the same behaviour and you begin to recognize a pattern. And yet, it is a dangerous path to tread on because it replaces the individual with stereotypes. It fails to recognize that perhaps the individual is more than the sum of the deductions we’ve made based on superficial data. It erases their humanity.

Instead, we should engage in genuine conversations. Instead of assuming, ask questions to clarify. Wouldn’t you want the same opportunity?

The answers may surprise us more often than we might think.

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Who am I? I’m a writer with an overactive imagination and a random mind. Outside of Substack, you’ll find my work in publications such as Newsweek, WIRED, Variety, The Washington Post, The Guardian, Esquire, Playboy, Mashable, CNN Travel, The Independent, and many others.