Let me share with you briefly my life experiences as someone living alone. I separated with my University sweetheart in 2008 from Africa. I have not married another since then but I have not given up. Family life in Africa, if you are a bachelor and you live in the countryside, your life will be very miserable. You have to fetch water from the well, collect firewood, cook, harvest vegetables etc. The good news are, you cannot be alone because family ties are very strong. When I moved to Canada, I started experiencing real loneliness after leaving the shelter. Getting job was also a problem and a woman who can accept you to stay with. When I got my first dream job in a High School, I came across a community singing group called, Gentlemen of Harmony ( now Voices of Harmony). I am keeping with them up to now. Every Tuesday we meet and practice from September to June. We shall break-off next week. I connected with another church and we meet once in a month; we play Dulcimer. I connected with another Church; Sunday Service choir. I connected with another community; volunteering to wash dishes every Saturday from 10:00 am to 1:00pm and I will get free lunch.
So in my loneliness, I keep myself very busy: playing Dulcimer, Singing, reading books, jogging every evening to have a nice relaxing sleep. No drugs, no vaping. I love dating women and I am looking forward for a dream woman irrespective of colour. So long as she will accept me as I am. I strongly believe in the power of love/friendship and music for big dreams!
People have an emptiness that God will fill. God is looking for you to come home. Start by looking for a church home. Are you familiar with the story the prodigal son? If not, that might be a place to start.
I am a firm believer of public spaces where people can meet, or at least be around others. Third places is a term often used. Unfortunately, they are not well regarded in many areas. Places like public libraries are difficult to fund and build. I also wonder what role our car focused drive through culture plays? I live in a bit of a bubble from this, but when I venture out, I see it. The dominant way many people dine is to drive to a space, pick up and go home. Door dash and other services also appear to contribute. At this point it is difficult to do this, but simply slowing down, walking some place for a sandwich and or a coffee does wonders for the soul. If anyone reading hasn't tried that, give it a go. Slow down and have a lunch without looking at your phone. Walk there, if that is even possible where you live.
No Apologies contains many compelling accounts of treatment by ideological mobs that intensify loneliness not only for their targets but for everyone associated with the organization or community. Here is another tragic account: https://www.thefp.com/p/a-racist-smear-a-tarnished-career-suicide
I suspect most folks in the school system came to understand the danger of expressing opinions contrary to the prevailing political agenda and vacuous ideology that supports it. Justice is not possible without truth, and truth can only be acquired through engagement with a diversity of viewpoints and respectful conversation.
Depression is also rumored to be a side affect to some people living in higher elevationals. Suicide rates go up. However this seems to be subject to the individual. I haven't been outside of the Midwest so I wouldn't know what it would be like. Nice article I like it a lot. I believe it's because a genuine man feels as though he needs to be the provider. So after the fact when he is irrelevant, such as myself, has a problem with that ego boost. While I probably lack much of the testosterone a man my age has, I still can relate in a few ways. But a man who has lost the person he cared the most for, or dog, or whatever he used to push him through the mid and im assuming another one at 55ish, is doomed. Maybe this is why we have shorter life spans? By the way your buying the wine unless you want it boxed.
It’s a very serious problem. Deaths of despair are skyrocketing, as is male suicide, 3 to 4 times the rate of women. But for men I don’t think getting them to express their emotions more is the real answer. Men have always struggled with that compared with women. It’s part of masculinity, that stoicism. It’s not a bug it’s a feature. They are not lonely because they can’t share their emotions. They are lonely because they are devalued by society. A man who is valued will be equally unable to express his feelings but will not be lonely because he has the respect and honour of others. Our culture doesn’t understand men and thinks the solution is for men to be more like women. That’s the standard by which we judge and blame men for their problems rather than recognize what male identity really means. Take away their roles as fathers (decline of the family unit) and productive workers (hollowing out of the manufacturing sector), and no amount of emotional venting will stop the loneliness.
Years ago I came up with an idea for communities where friends in their 60s and 70s could have tiny houses on a “cul-de-farm” that would have a main gathering hall for cooking and eating and socializing, a nice outdoor play area for basketball and tennis (now it would have to have pickle ball) and a community farm.
While we were finishing our careers we could rent out the 10 or so houses for artists’ or writers’ retreats and then when we needed to downsize and move in, we could, having earned income off of the homes for a few years prior.
Then we could “walk each other home” for however long we were around. As one or two friends traveled we could let our families come and stay in their tiny houses for a bit, if need be.
It was a thought of a way to build community and not do that thing of dying alone or showing up on your kids’ doorstep. It seemed like a great plan for a dignified way of riding off into the sunset.
Haven’t made it happen yet. I think the good place to do it, now, with global harming, would be in MA. Gotta be near good docs. And the arts.
Beautifully described and such an important issue. I also blame many churches for not addressing this, focusing instead on trendy social justice issues while ignoring the despair, loneliness and addiction in their midst. In much of Western society, extended family and stable friend networks have collapsed with increased mobility and individualism and there's nothing to take their place. Thank you for your eloquence and please keep speaking up!
The blame here has social media firmly in the crosshairs.
All the social media platforms make it near impossible for the average man to even communicate with the average woman who will have an over inflated sense of her beauty etc.
I think this is a factor. The statistics certainly suggest the average woman today looks down on her male equivalent and does not view him as worthy of a relationship.
So I think there are far fewer people even trying to form relationships now.
It's because less men are equivalent. Women don't look to men for financial support anymore, so they look for other things. But more women are educated (at least college-wise) these days. They want a partner who is at least similar in terms of education/income & there's fewer of them.
If women don’t look to men for financial support anymore more, why are they looking for men at least equivalent in education/income? You say they are looking for other things. Well, not really. The comparative status of a man is still important the way it always was. Call it hypergamy if you like. You say it’s what women ‘want’. Okay, but what do men want? I’d say their baseline preferences haven’t changed either. They want a woman who is at least not higher earning or more educated than they are. But there are fewer of them now, aren’t there? You say men are ‘less assertive’, but maybe it’s just a matter of what they don’t want. The increase of women’s economic power has thrown a wrench into natural and deeply rooted sexual dynamics. It requires adjusting, on both sides. A double standard is working when we affirm what a woman wants but not consider what a man wants, asking him to adjust to her new role, but not asking anything from her.
That isn't working in the US any more. 58% of college students are female. That is set to rise above 75%. The imbalance, and the observation college-educated women are not interested in men who have not attended college, is setting the scene for some very lonely ladies.
At the moment women don't seek financial support from men but AI will probably have an outsized impact on female jobs. That is certainly the prediction. So it will be an interesting time ahead for women. It isn't looking good I have to say.
Men are also, as a whole, far less assertive. They are terrified to ask out women in real life. Many of whom would actually give it a shot.
If you just hide behind apps, yes, all judgements will be superficial, because it's a superficial app. How else are you supposed to judge people? But women are rejecting men who in real life they might not.
Also, loneliness as described in this piece isn't about romantic relationships alone. The stats I cite are around friendship. So there's a friendship issue.
The lack of male assertiveness is important and needs to be recognized as a problem, but mostly isn't. Solving will be a key component in solving the loneliness problem, but so far is underdiscussed
Men are shamed and punished for this activity. And they have got the message. Is some places they are explicitly told not to approach women. London, for instance, has signs on lampposts telling men their advances are unwelcome and can be classed as harassment.
This is what feminists wanted and men have responded. In a sense it is lack of assertiveness, but it is also rational behaviour. Women are increasingly not worth the risk.
I said terrified in person, which has a lot more likelihood of getting a yes and also working out because the two people actually experience each other. I get it is hard to be faced with potential rejection but men used to be more willing.
Let me share with you briefly my life experiences as someone living alone. I separated with my University sweetheart in 2008 from Africa. I have not married another since then but I have not given up. Family life in Africa, if you are a bachelor and you live in the countryside, your life will be very miserable. You have to fetch water from the well, collect firewood, cook, harvest vegetables etc. The good news are, you cannot be alone because family ties are very strong. When I moved to Canada, I started experiencing real loneliness after leaving the shelter. Getting job was also a problem and a woman who can accept you to stay with. When I got my first dream job in a High School, I came across a community singing group called, Gentlemen of Harmony ( now Voices of Harmony). I am keeping with them up to now. Every Tuesday we meet and practice from September to June. We shall break-off next week. I connected with another church and we meet once in a month; we play Dulcimer. I connected with another Church; Sunday Service choir. I connected with another community; volunteering to wash dishes every Saturday from 10:00 am to 1:00pm and I will get free lunch.
So in my loneliness, I keep myself very busy: playing Dulcimer, Singing, reading books, jogging every evening to have a nice relaxing sleep. No drugs, no vaping. I love dating women and I am looking forward for a dream woman irrespective of colour. So long as she will accept me as I am. I strongly believe in the power of love/friendship and music for big dreams!
People have an emptiness that God will fill. God is looking for you to come home. Start by looking for a church home. Are you familiar with the story the prodigal son? If not, that might be a place to start.
I am a firm believer of public spaces where people can meet, or at least be around others. Third places is a term often used. Unfortunately, they are not well regarded in many areas. Places like public libraries are difficult to fund and build. I also wonder what role our car focused drive through culture plays? I live in a bit of a bubble from this, but when I venture out, I see it. The dominant way many people dine is to drive to a space, pick up and go home. Door dash and other services also appear to contribute. At this point it is difficult to do this, but simply slowing down, walking some place for a sandwich and or a coffee does wonders for the soul. If anyone reading hasn't tried that, give it a go. Slow down and have a lunch without looking at your phone. Walk there, if that is even possible where you live.
Some of the comments about women from men on this post are disturbing. I already blocked a few.
My wife does not care about me.
My daughter, age 27, is in her own life in Boston, and ignores me.
My brother has Colon Cancer.
My father's prophecy, made when I was 17 years old, came true:
"One very cold morning, you will wake up and realize that nobody in the entire world gives a damn whether you live or die."
That's it.
I actually do give a damn. For what it’s worth.
Thanks.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/09567976241242037
A comprehensive meta-analysis published by the Association for Psychological Science. The U-shape occurs across many cultures...
No Apologies contains many compelling accounts of treatment by ideological mobs that intensify loneliness not only for their targets but for everyone associated with the organization or community. Here is another tragic account: https://www.thefp.com/p/a-racist-smear-a-tarnished-career-suicide
I suspect most folks in the school system came to understand the danger of expressing opinions contrary to the prevailing political agenda and vacuous ideology that supports it. Justice is not possible without truth, and truth can only be acquired through engagement with a diversity of viewpoints and respectful conversation.
Here are my thoughts on what is happening in higher education: https://lawrencekrauss.substack.com/p/we-have-met-the-enemy-and-they-is
One day, maybe one day, but probably never, people will understand that correlation does not equal causation.
Ask Grok about Elon's AI dog. #BYTE
I feel lonely.
Go on Twitter 💀
thank you for being compassion 🙏🏻❤️
Depression is also rumored to be a side affect to some people living in higher elevationals. Suicide rates go up. However this seems to be subject to the individual. I haven't been outside of the Midwest so I wouldn't know what it would be like. Nice article I like it a lot. I believe it's because a genuine man feels as though he needs to be the provider. So after the fact when he is irrelevant, such as myself, has a problem with that ego boost. While I probably lack much of the testosterone a man my age has, I still can relate in a few ways. But a man who has lost the person he cared the most for, or dog, or whatever he used to push him through the mid and im assuming another one at 55ish, is doomed. Maybe this is why we have shorter life spans? By the way your buying the wine unless you want it boxed.
It’s a very serious problem. Deaths of despair are skyrocketing, as is male suicide, 3 to 4 times the rate of women. But for men I don’t think getting them to express their emotions more is the real answer. Men have always struggled with that compared with women. It’s part of masculinity, that stoicism. It’s not a bug it’s a feature. They are not lonely because they can’t share their emotions. They are lonely because they are devalued by society. A man who is valued will be equally unable to express his feelings but will not be lonely because he has the respect and honour of others. Our culture doesn’t understand men and thinks the solution is for men to be more like women. That’s the standard by which we judge and blame men for their problems rather than recognize what male identity really means. Take away their roles as fathers (decline of the family unit) and productive workers (hollowing out of the manufacturing sector), and no amount of emotional venting will stop the loneliness.
Yes “daddy government” and the fatherless crisis coupled with women thinking they’re “gods gift” further fuel this problem.
The influencer being viewed as a more valuable member of society than a production worker is so absurd yet true.
Follower counts are viewed as more important than actual output. It’s not good….
Coupled with women having tons of sex and no children; it’s probably game over for humans within a few hundred years.
Recommended reading:
The Pleasure Trap
The Moral Animal
Wow. Another anti-woman asshole to block.
So sad.
So true.
So many.
So blue.
Years ago I came up with an idea for communities where friends in their 60s and 70s could have tiny houses on a “cul-de-farm” that would have a main gathering hall for cooking and eating and socializing, a nice outdoor play area for basketball and tennis (now it would have to have pickle ball) and a community farm.
While we were finishing our careers we could rent out the 10 or so houses for artists’ or writers’ retreats and then when we needed to downsize and move in, we could, having earned income off of the homes for a few years prior.
Then we could “walk each other home” for however long we were around. As one or two friends traveled we could let our families come and stay in their tiny houses for a bit, if need be.
It was a thought of a way to build community and not do that thing of dying alone or showing up on your kids’ doorstep. It seemed like a great plan for a dignified way of riding off into the sunset.
Haven’t made it happen yet. I think the good place to do it, now, with global harming, would be in MA. Gotta be near good docs. And the arts.
And a Trader Joe’s.
Who’s in?
It's a great idea
Beautifully described and such an important issue. I also blame many churches for not addressing this, focusing instead on trendy social justice issues while ignoring the despair, loneliness and addiction in their midst. In much of Western society, extended family and stable friend networks have collapsed with increased mobility and individualism and there's nothing to take their place. Thank you for your eloquence and please keep speaking up!
The blame here has social media firmly in the crosshairs.
All the social media platforms make it near impossible for the average man to even communicate with the average woman who will have an over inflated sense of her beauty etc.
Tons of stuff on this.
The outcome, population collapse
I think this is a factor. The statistics certainly suggest the average woman today looks down on her male equivalent and does not view him as worthy of a relationship.
So I think there are far fewer people even trying to form relationships now.
It's because less men are equivalent. Women don't look to men for financial support anymore, so they look for other things. But more women are educated (at least college-wise) these days. They want a partner who is at least similar in terms of education/income & there's fewer of them.
If women don’t look to men for financial support anymore more, why are they looking for men at least equivalent in education/income? You say they are looking for other things. Well, not really. The comparative status of a man is still important the way it always was. Call it hypergamy if you like. You say it’s what women ‘want’. Okay, but what do men want? I’d say their baseline preferences haven’t changed either. They want a woman who is at least not higher earning or more educated than they are. But there are fewer of them now, aren’t there? You say men are ‘less assertive’, but maybe it’s just a matter of what they don’t want. The increase of women’s economic power has thrown a wrench into natural and deeply rooted sexual dynamics. It requires adjusting, on both sides. A double standard is working when we affirm what a woman wants but not consider what a man wants, asking him to adjust to her new role, but not asking anything from her.
That isn't working in the US any more. 58% of college students are female. That is set to rise above 75%. The imbalance, and the observation college-educated women are not interested in men who have not attended college, is setting the scene for some very lonely ladies.
At the moment women don't seek financial support from men but AI will probably have an outsized impact on female jobs. That is certainly the prediction. So it will be an interesting time ahead for women. It isn't looking good I have to say.
Men are also, as a whole, far less assertive. They are terrified to ask out women in real life. Many of whom would actually give it a shot.
If you just hide behind apps, yes, all judgements will be superficial, because it's a superficial app. How else are you supposed to judge people? But women are rejecting men who in real life they might not.
Also, loneliness as described in this piece isn't about romantic relationships alone. The stats I cite are around friendship. So there's a friendship issue.
The lack of male assertiveness is important and needs to be recognized as a problem, but mostly isn't. Solving will be a key component in solving the loneliness problem, but so far is underdiscussed
Men are shamed and punished for this activity. And they have got the message. Is some places they are explicitly told not to approach women. London, for instance, has signs on lampposts telling men their advances are unwelcome and can be classed as harassment.
This is what feminists wanted and men have responded. In a sense it is lack of assertiveness, but it is also rational behaviour. Women are increasingly not worth the risk.
Yea some lass did a TED on it; it’s not terrified to ask a girl out it’s that most online will be geographically not realistic lol
I said terrified in person, which has a lot more likelihood of getting a yes and also working out because the two people actually experience each other. I get it is hard to be faced with potential rejection but men used to be more willing.
Take her swimming to see her true beauty
I see you!