In recent times, a few prolific proponents of free speech—people I’ve had ongoing friendly relations with—have either lashed out at me, unfollowed me, or both. And in each case...
You're speaking my language. This is something that I also speak about a lot.
In the olden days, there was a saying, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it."
We can disagree all day long which isn't a problem until you start the labeling, name-calling, and being disrespectful. That's when the conversation ends on my side.
I'm not here to convince anyone of anything. I'm just here to talk about it while we're trying to figure out this chaotic, confusing world together. If you "know" you're right about everything, there's not much room for me who is VERY clear that I don't so I stay open...and listen.
the way to learn and possibly understand others viewpoints is to listen and really try to hear that side of the issue. As long as the conversation is not contentious you can learn how the other side thinks.
I have several friends with whom I no longer feel I can share thoughts about specific subjects for fear of being accused, rejected or rebuked severely. I have definitely muted myself since 2020 mainly because I don't do well in conflict or debate (which is ironic because I loved it in high school). My local online mums' group which has been a big part of my parenting journey is one online social space where I most certainly would NEVER say what I really think ( we live in one of the most liberal cities in the US) and with only two or three friends from within that group in person. It's think part of it is also that I am Gen X and with the except of several other members, almost everyone is millennial. I am also not an American. And I'm not a Trumper or anything like that. But I'm also not buying into the progressive left anymore. It's so weird to suddenly not be going with the flow anymore but also being sort of sitting in the middle and then being told that's even worse. Le sigh.
Let me give you a reason why I've been muting people lately. I might click on something, or even reply to something they said, and then Substack's algorithm just keeps feeding me their content above and beyond anything else. Now, I don't really want to mute these people - but I also don't want them non-stop in my feed! If I could, I'd tell the algorithm to ease up a bit. But since this is not possible, I just mute them. Unfortunate, but there you have it.
"Free speech" advocacy has become a good gauge of ideological hypocrisy on both the left and right. The self-styled, primarily alt-right "free speech absolutists" of a couple of years back quickly made it clear that, the moment they had power (whether over a corporation or government) the only kind of speech they valued was their own. It's the same on the ideological left. Freedom to protest -- but only if it's against Israel. Book bans are bad -- unless it's J.K. Rowling or Laura Ingalls Wilder. It's not really about speech -- it's about ideological power and control.
Someday, if the (classical) liberal democratic centre is able to hold, we may reclaim the understandings until recently shared by most westerners within a standard deviation of the political centre: that freedom of expression is a vital social right, subject to limited constraints (e.g., sedition, actionable threats of violence, libel / slander, etc.) that had mainly been worked out in common and civil law. But of course it is precisely this kind of understanding ideologues on both the far right and far left have sought to undermine as they push society to be destroyed and remade under their authority.
It's happened with me and others. Some "anti-woke" corners of Substack and TwitterX are becoming indistinguishable from 2010s Tumblr in terms of behavior. The personal attacks, the gaslighting, the mentality of "I didn't say what you think I said, but also I did and it's a good thing," the assumption that any minor disagreement with them (or even asking questions for clarification!) is, by definition, in "bad faith." At least the "woke Tumblr" crowd never pretended to speak for "open debate" or "rationality" or "masculine stoicism."
If someone undramatically deletes my comments on their spaces or mutes me for whatever reason, and they're not someone I know personally, I don't take it personally. I wouldn't even notice because I don't go back and check those things. People get to curate their own spaces and timelines.
It's the making a big show of it and "lashing out" that's disturbing. Why would someone respond with rage and character attacks over a simple counterpoint? Curating their own space doesn't explain that behavior (and the same individuals go raging into other people's spaces anyway). It's almost as if they don't want your viewpoint expressed *anywhere*.
In retaliation for a disagreement that *I* didn't think was a big deal, a stranger accused me of causing my child's medical problems! Then again, autism moms risk getting wild hate and accusations any time we identify ourselves. I don't know why...? I'm not online enough to understand that particular phenomenon!
I can sympathize -- I've been blocked on Facebook and email by one of my sisters over the transgender issue -- she and several other (extended) family members get quite "offended" 🙄 when I say that transwomen are most certainly not women, and that, for all their flaws, Republicans at least aren't sterilizing and castrating autistic and dysphoric children.
Kind of the coup de grace there has been being kicked out of the biweekly Zoom meetings -- exiled, cast into the outer darkness, "go and never darken our doorsteps again!!11!!" 🙄
I think it especially sucks that you've been blocked by a family member! We probably have some disagreements on this topic (and some agreements too), but I don't get the sense you're coming from a place of hate. Also if I blocked family members over thoughts that offend me, I'd have no more family left. We certainly argue though!
Well, I've been accused of being somewhat "obsessed" on the topic. 🙂 Though with some justification -- Helens Dale and Joyce have argued that transgenderism is a "civilization threatening/ending movement":
It can be hard to tell who is acting in good faith. One good outcome of the Trump era is that it's like an X-ray for allegedly free thinkers who opine on so many things, but never find time to comment on the man himself. The negative space is a tell.
They either like him and justify his actions, or are afraid of being further ostracized or attacked. A lot of these free thinkers, especially if on the left, were pushed out and at the time the right embraced them. The left won't welcome them back. And the maga are the only community they have left... So that plays a role too.
I think what we are talking about here are forbidden ideas. For those people, more terrifying than being outsmarted, is being convinced and thereby becoming the thing they despise.
Winston Churchill once said this and I think it is related because the power of ideas is that they can change who we are:
"You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them."
How nice, I totally agree, intuitively connected this with my own experiences, I think it's a great idea for where we are on the Earth at the moment. I've also been harmonizing with the animal kingdom around me, so let's help this helps balance things in my ecology. Hopefully yours with what it is, and your people, can find each other and we can actually see that this relationship we have is, like that, really much more than we know, and what a good opportunity for us to be apprised for these things which are innate & inherent, our ideas. Like a good garden to grow forever thru the turns. I like people, I just can't stand such abject negativity sometimes, with all I've seen. I try to balance it but who knows? It's still a conversation I'm communicating, I need it.
Well, you've moved me to become a "Founding Member" of your substack and I, for one, am always willing to have a conversation. I have been guilty of just what you have described in the past. I think many people in our society are avoidant. We find it easy just to "disappear" - and avoid anything that seems like friction. I learn through friction and am going to work hard to stay in a space where I might feel discomfort.
I massively appreciate the support and respect the self-recognition/reflection. You're right, I think, about the avoidant part. Although in my particular cases that wasn't the main factor, I do think a lot of people do just sort of "fade out" on difficult topics that challenge their worldview, or in general any conversation that might cause friction.
The "big tent" was an ideal only moderates ever really believed in. It's a moderate concept by definition. There are some on the far right or left who might have tried to use it for their benefit, but it was never real. Their "tent" is only big enough for those who conform to their perspective, at least on all the important issues. Those who only occasionally disagree on minor matters have still shown that they're "too strongly opinionated," as a far right friend of mine put it once, and will occupy the outer fringes of their "big tent" accordingly.
The big tent can only be what it's advertised to be if a moderate runs the show, whether they're conservative, liberal, or centrist. Communists and hard nationalists might talk a big game about "big tents" when they don't have institutional power, but will never practice what they preached when they attain it.
"I've always been annoyed at concerts when the artist makes some political statement between songs, essentially pointing to the door for anyone who thinks differently, even though the views were usually ones I was a bit closer to than not."
I was thinking about how it's not new for artists to make their political views known -- BUT they used to make a distinction between politicians and the general voting public, e.g. Bush supporters weren't discouraged from attending concerts by Green Day or Pink. What IS new is where artists and the entertainment industry make a show of telling *audience members* they don't belong if they disagree politically. There's a difference between persuasion, vs. attempts at trying to intimidate mainstream political views out of polite society via shame and exclusion.
Yep. You can find the news articles, both Trump AND Biden/Harris voters have been asked to stay away from / leave concerts, and those were just the incidents that were publicized nationally and put in writing. I've seen other examples in the entertainment industry and heard lots of anecdotes from hobby groups.
There are people from all over the political spectrum who are tired of politics creeping into everyday life and hobbies. Some of us actually want to enjoy life, and to connect with each other over our common humanity!
Very much agree about the point about power, and artists making certain political comments—though I guess for them they feel they have a big platform and thus a responsibility to make them.
You're speaking my language. This is something that I also speak about a lot.
In the olden days, there was a saying, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it."
We can disagree all day long which isn't a problem until you start the labeling, name-calling, and being disrespectful. That's when the conversation ends on my side.
I'm not here to convince anyone of anything. I'm just here to talk about it while we're trying to figure out this chaotic, confusing world together. If you "know" you're right about everything, there's not much room for me who is VERY clear that I don't so I stay open...and listen.
the way to learn and possibly understand others viewpoints is to listen and really try to hear that side of the issue. As long as the conversation is not contentious you can learn how the other side thinks.
I have several friends with whom I no longer feel I can share thoughts about specific subjects for fear of being accused, rejected or rebuked severely. I have definitely muted myself since 2020 mainly because I don't do well in conflict or debate (which is ironic because I loved it in high school). My local online mums' group which has been a big part of my parenting journey is one online social space where I most certainly would NEVER say what I really think ( we live in one of the most liberal cities in the US) and with only two or three friends from within that group in person. It's think part of it is also that I am Gen X and with the except of several other members, almost everyone is millennial. I am also not an American. And I'm not a Trumper or anything like that. But I'm also not buying into the progressive left anymore. It's so weird to suddenly not be going with the flow anymore but also being sort of sitting in the middle and then being told that's even worse. Le sigh.
Let me give you a reason why I've been muting people lately. I might click on something, or even reply to something they said, and then Substack's algorithm just keeps feeding me their content above and beyond anything else. Now, I don't really want to mute these people - but I also don't want them non-stop in my feed! If I could, I'd tell the algorithm to ease up a bit. But since this is not possible, I just mute them. Unfortunate, but there you have it.
That's perfectly fine. I'm more talking about people who were previously friendly with me.
"Free speech" advocacy has become a good gauge of ideological hypocrisy on both the left and right. The self-styled, primarily alt-right "free speech absolutists" of a couple of years back quickly made it clear that, the moment they had power (whether over a corporation or government) the only kind of speech they valued was their own. It's the same on the ideological left. Freedom to protest -- but only if it's against Israel. Book bans are bad -- unless it's J.K. Rowling or Laura Ingalls Wilder. It's not really about speech -- it's about ideological power and control.
Someday, if the (classical) liberal democratic centre is able to hold, we may reclaim the understandings until recently shared by most westerners within a standard deviation of the political centre: that freedom of expression is a vital social right, subject to limited constraints (e.g., sedition, actionable threats of violence, libel / slander, etc.) that had mainly been worked out in common and civil law. But of course it is precisely this kind of understanding ideologues on both the far right and far left have sought to undermine as they push society to be destroyed and remade under their authority.
You're spot on.
It's happened with me and others. Some "anti-woke" corners of Substack and TwitterX are becoming indistinguishable from 2010s Tumblr in terms of behavior. The personal attacks, the gaslighting, the mentality of "I didn't say what you think I said, but also I did and it's a good thing," the assumption that any minor disagreement with them (or even asking questions for clarification!) is, by definition, in "bad faith." At least the "woke Tumblr" crowd never pretended to speak for "open debate" or "rationality" or "masculine stoicism."
If someone undramatically deletes my comments on their spaces or mutes me for whatever reason, and they're not someone I know personally, I don't take it personally. I wouldn't even notice because I don't go back and check those things. People get to curate their own spaces and timelines.
It's the making a big show of it and "lashing out" that's disturbing. Why would someone respond with rage and character attacks over a simple counterpoint? Curating their own space doesn't explain that behavior (and the same individuals go raging into other people's spaces anyway). It's almost as if they don't want your viewpoint expressed *anywhere*.
In retaliation for a disagreement that *I* didn't think was a big deal, a stranger accused me of causing my child's medical problems! Then again, autism moms risk getting wild hate and accusations any time we identify ourselves. I don't know why...? I'm not online enough to understand that particular phenomenon!
I can sympathize -- I've been blocked on Facebook and email by one of my sisters over the transgender issue -- she and several other (extended) family members get quite "offended" 🙄 when I say that transwomen are most certainly not women, and that, for all their flaws, Republicans at least aren't sterilizing and castrating autistic and dysphoric children.
Kind of the coup de grace there has been being kicked out of the biweekly Zoom meetings -- exiled, cast into the outer darkness, "go and never darken our doorsteps again!!11!!" 🙄
I think it especially sucks that you've been blocked by a family member! We probably have some disagreements on this topic (and some agreements too), but I don't get the sense you're coming from a place of hate. Also if I blocked family members over thoughts that offend me, I'd have no more family left. We certainly argue though!
Before my parents visit, we have to coach our 7 year not to mention Trump so as not to piss off my mom. I hate it.
Well, I've been accused of being somewhat "obsessed" on the topic. 🙂 Though with some justification -- Helens Dale and Joyce have argued that transgenderism is a "civilization threatening/ending movement":
https://lawliberty.org/podcast/when-does-sex-matter/
Not sure what your position is on the topic, and on the recent Skrmetti case but something of a watershed event with far-reaching consequences:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/19/magazine/scotus-transgender-care-tennessee-skrmetti.html?unlocked_article_code=1.Rk8.gwR6.DXJ3ntlUwYZr&smid=url-share
https://www.cnn.com/2025/06/30/politics/transgender-health-care-birth-certificates-supreme-court
It can be hard to tell who is acting in good faith. One good outcome of the Trump era is that it's like an X-ray for allegedly free thinkers who opine on so many things, but never find time to comment on the man himself. The negative space is a tell.
They either like him and justify his actions, or are afraid of being further ostracized or attacked. A lot of these free thinkers, especially if on the left, were pushed out and at the time the right embraced them. The left won't welcome them back. And the maga are the only community they have left... So that plays a role too.
I think what we are talking about here are forbidden ideas. For those people, more terrifying than being outsmarted, is being convinced and thereby becoming the thing they despise.
Winston Churchill once said this and I think it is related because the power of ideas is that they can change who we are:
"You see these dictators on their pedestals, surrounded by the bayonets of their soldiers and the truncheons of their police ... yet in their hearts there is unspoken fear. They are afraid of words and thoughts: words spoken abroad, thoughts stirring at home -- all the more powerful because forbidden -- terrify them."
That too!
How nice, I totally agree, intuitively connected this with my own experiences, I think it's a great idea for where we are on the Earth at the moment. I've also been harmonizing with the animal kingdom around me, so let's help this helps balance things in my ecology. Hopefully yours with what it is, and your people, can find each other and we can actually see that this relationship we have is, like that, really much more than we know, and what a good opportunity for us to be apprised for these things which are innate & inherent, our ideas. Like a good garden to grow forever thru the turns. I like people, I just can't stand such abject negativity sometimes, with all I've seen. I try to balance it but who knows? It's still a conversation I'm communicating, I need it.
Well, you've moved me to become a "Founding Member" of your substack and I, for one, am always willing to have a conversation. I have been guilty of just what you have described in the past. I think many people in our society are avoidant. We find it easy just to "disappear" - and avoid anything that seems like friction. I learn through friction and am going to work hard to stay in a space where I might feel discomfort.
I massively appreciate the support and respect the self-recognition/reflection. You're right, I think, about the avoidant part. Although in my particular cases that wasn't the main factor, I do think a lot of people do just sort of "fade out" on difficult topics that challenge their worldview, or in general any conversation that might cause friction.
The "big tent" was an ideal only moderates ever really believed in. It's a moderate concept by definition. There are some on the far right or left who might have tried to use it for their benefit, but it was never real. Their "tent" is only big enough for those who conform to their perspective, at least on all the important issues. Those who only occasionally disagree on minor matters have still shown that they're "too strongly opinionated," as a far right friend of mine put it once, and will occupy the outer fringes of their "big tent" accordingly.
The big tent can only be what it's advertised to be if a moderate runs the show, whether they're conservative, liberal, or centrist. Communists and hard nationalists might talk a big game about "big tents" when they don't have institutional power, but will never practice what they preached when they attain it.
"I've always been annoyed at concerts when the artist makes some political statement between songs, essentially pointing to the door for anyone who thinks differently, even though the views were usually ones I was a bit closer to than not."
I was thinking about how it's not new for artists to make their political views known -- BUT they used to make a distinction between politicians and the general voting public, e.g. Bush supporters weren't discouraged from attending concerts by Green Day or Pink. What IS new is where artists and the entertainment industry make a show of telling *audience members* they don't belong if they disagree politically. There's a difference between persuasion, vs. attempts at trying to intimidate mainstream political views out of polite society via shame and exclusion.
Yep. You can find the news articles, both Trump AND Biden/Harris voters have been asked to stay away from / leave concerts, and those were just the incidents that were publicized nationally and put in writing. I've seen other examples in the entertainment industry and heard lots of anecdotes from hobby groups.
There are people from all over the political spectrum who are tired of politics creeping into everyday life and hobbies. Some of us actually want to enjoy life, and to connect with each other over our common humanity!
You weren’t the only one SBT 😹
Happy Canada Day all!
💪💪🇨🇦🗽
haha! No, I didn't mute you.
As for them coming around, frankly, not likely.
Very much agree about the point about power, and artists making certain political comments—though I guess for them they feel they have a big platform and thus a responsibility to make them.